HAPPY new year and welcome back.
For those of you not doing a Dry January-style news detox to see in the year, I’m sure you sick and twisted people will have been glad to be greeted with this week’s headlines of economic chaos, wildfires, grooming gangs and much more.
But you’re the only audience I’ve got, so here goes nothing.
Here at the Worst of Westminster, we take seriously the opportunities January affords as a time of self-improvement and personal growth.
So we’ve taken the trouble of compiling a few new year’s resolutions for you to navigate the news landscape in the era of Elon Musk, Nigel Farage and Donald Trump.
Don’t touch that dial!
With Facebook announcing that it’s bringing back hate speech to see if it can capitalise on what it presumably sees as the roaring success of Twitter/X under Musk, you might be tempted to switch off social media.
Yes Twitter/X is now full of bots armed with skull-measuring callipers and 19th-century ideas about race and yes, YouGov has this week found that Musk himself is even less popular with Britons than Keir Starmer…
(Image: ALLISON ROBBERT, via REUTERS)
Sorry I forgot where I was going with this. But you’re not allowed to chicken out. You just aren’t.
Learn to love Big Brother, drink it all in, embrace the chaos.
Believe the Labour Government can fix it all
Despite all evidence to the contrary, try believing that Labour have the answers to fix this seemingly irredeemable mess. Just to see what it’s like. Just for a laugh.
(Image: PA)
Rachel Reeves has gone to China in search of some economic growth, the corruption minister is under investigation for alleged corruption and David Lammy is off David Lammy-ing – but you must remember that the grown-ups are back in charge now. Seriously, there are still some people out there buying that.
Try Wet January
To gain the full effect of the previous two recommendations, we recommend attempting to follow Winston Churchill’s daily boozing routine – which included a whisky and soda for breakfast and a pint of champagne at lunch.
In your perma-sozzled state, you might find you kill enough brain cells to start agreeing with Farage – or at least to find Musk’s patter slightly below painfully cringe.
DISCLAIMER: The Worst of Westminster is not a reliable source of lifestyle advice and its recommendations should only be followed by the intensely stupid. We do not accept any liability for any injuries – physical, mental or spiritual – you will inevitably incur by following this advice.
This does not affect your statutory rights.
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